Back in san marcos again
SO I am back in the small Texas town of san marcos, (ten points who to any who get the song reference, but it is a long shot)

SO I have been here for a few days, and have I recently realized, that I have literally been hiding in small dark hole. My apartment is semi-subterranean. I have been nocturnal, and have not used any lights, and been very steeped in sci fi specifically Star Trek, DS9, TNG, Voyager, as well as Babylon 5, SG-1 Dr. Who doctors 1-4, 9 and 10. It has been a strange input. I have also got my graduation set up, I will achieve my masters degree in December. I still have to get all of my PhD apps out soon, I have to write them sooner, I also have to finish a paper, and that in the next 48 hours.

I have come to see that there is an interesting breakdown of motivating principle of aliens in Star trek. each one has its own species that fit into the larger pattern of the universe.
Humans are driven by the experiential, the motivation is to understand, through experience, almost always 'exploration'

The Vulcans are driven by logic (duh)
TEH roumlans by ambition,
Kilgon passion
Bejorian spiritual
Cardiassian these are more complex, in that they are defined as duty to the state, echos the concept of mother Russia

I could continue but it belongs in a paper, that I will write later this semester probably. I am taking media criticism


So (think long pause) I find my self having come in a strange and indirect circle. 8 years ago I was struggling to finish high school, I was overwhelmed and crushed, and emoptionaly deactivated for a long time, eventualy almost a year later I suffered extream dream orientation, I would wake up and not remember who I was or whare I was, and it took some time to remeber those things.

I do not know what is going to happen next, and I thought befoire this whappened, when Mem was alive, that I was prepaired, that I could cope with anything in the long term. now I know how arigoant I was, I have laways had that flaw, It was cute for longer than most untill I was about 10, then it got obnicious, when I hit high school I becmae something very odd, annoying, and quite shallow, and limited. Then Helen died, I became a radicaly different person overnight infact, and then fought through highschool, and then got to New Orleans, for College and began a strange and in a New Orleans way very beautiful.

I came to San Marcos for college, but I lived in Houseton, and found through time and long searching good people.

Now again, when I thought I had the world under controle it shatters again. How strange the twists of fate. how crule the bite. (HOW emo, HOW goth, How melodramatic)


Damn


said the fish that ran into the wall

Holy hell I am a bit scrambled yet, I hope prof Burnette is kind to the paper.

I feel the need to talk but know not what to say I do not like this sam I am I do not like green eggs and ham.


I feel like Mrs. WHo not to be confused with Dr. Who, she spoke almost entirely in quotations


well here is to tomorrow and tomorrow that creep on at this petty pace, until the last syllable of recorded time


before I really get bad and start to say stupid things meant to provoke I will leave this atempt at self expression where it is. untill the next one