Akhenaton (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} akhenaton) wrote,@ 2009-07-01 11:21:00 |
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SO while working my way through a really messed up 5 week summer semester, I have noticed several things.
1. I am not doing half as well as I think I am,
2 I think I am doing preaty shitty, and much worse than I look
3. death and references to death are everywhere in our culture all the time, usualy violent death, the number of references to it are much higher than you think
4. refernces to sex in my personal count over the last few days are not even 1/2 of the number to death
5. for all of the talk about death no one talks about grief, they just move on to the next joke, the next story etc.
6. I am find my self being much more cynical these past few weeks, and becoming steadily more and more bitchy
7. it is not ok, and I wish i could see the end
8. Yes I am aware that there is an end to this level of shittiness
9. The question I have is how many years,
10. Oh and will I recover before the next one, i am currently gathering dates, but 6 family members have died, and 2 friends. Those number do not seam right.... I may be mistaken, but 8 people most of them in the last 10 years. If this is a long term trend i do not think I am going to make it.
11. Oh another observation, there is about a 50% probability, if a pattern exists, that another death will follow in the next 8 to 10 months.
12. I doubt that there is a discernable patter very much
13. At least with Helen i had some one to blame, to hate, to forgive, in this case, i will never know what truly happened, only that my Mem is dead.
14. I am again broken, and I am not sure I was even really in one piece before this
15. All that is left to do, is the task infrom of me, keep breathing, keep moving, where there is life there is hope, so I keep moving, like life does,
16. however, I am not sure I want to live to be 200 anymore, especialy is the next 15 years of my life are any worse than these. May be the life expetency is not there to do anything but stop us from going completely insane, of may be I am really overdramatic today.
*sigh*
until later
1. I am not doing half as well as I think I am,
2 I think I am doing preaty shitty, and much worse than I look
3. death and references to death are everywhere in our culture all the time, usualy violent death, the number of references to it are much higher than you think
4. refernces to sex in my personal count over the last few days are not even 1/2 of the number to death
5. for all of the talk about death no one talks about grief, they just move on to the next joke, the next story etc.
6. I am find my self being much more cynical these past few weeks, and becoming steadily more and more bitchy
7. it is not ok, and I wish i could see the end
8. Yes I am aware that there is an end to this level of shittiness
9. The question I have is how many years,
10. Oh and will I recover before the next one, i am currently gathering dates, but 6 family members have died, and 2 friends. Those number do not seam right.... I may be mistaken, but 8 people most of them in the last 10 years. If this is a long term trend i do not think I am going to make it.
11. Oh another observation, there is about a 50% probability, if a pattern exists, that another death will follow in the next 8 to 10 months.
12. I doubt that there is a discernable patter very much
13. At least with Helen i had some one to blame, to hate, to forgive, in this case, i will never know what truly happened, only that my Mem is dead.
14. I am again broken, and I am not sure I was even really in one piece before this
15. All that is left to do, is the task infrom of me, keep breathing, keep moving, where there is life there is hope, so I keep moving, like life does,
16. however, I am not sure I want to live to be 200 anymore, especialy is the next 15 years of my life are any worse than these. May be the life expetency is not there to do anything but stop us from going completely insane, of may be I am really overdramatic today.
*sigh*
until later
