So many of those people around me are getting married, talking about moving out of the "College Life" and going into the fucking real world.

I HATE this, for many reason not least of which is that they are doing it in pairs. I sit here alone, in my parents house, haveing date only one man in my life, haveing only had sex as a one night stand, and looking at a life with what is appently very few prospects. one of my best friends, is in the space of a few months going from a party man, one who would smoke drink, and have a hell of a time, at the least provocation, to a person who beacuse of a girl he is calling the one, has stoped smoking, and nearly stoped drinking, and is probably not going to go to a party beacuse there will be smoking there.

I miss New Orleans. There I was part of a group that chose to never leave the party life behind, a group of peopel who looked at life in a very specific way that said screw expectations of society, I am going to do things my way, the way I want to, and I am going to make it work. but now I am here, and eveyone around me is conforming, and those that are not, are creating a a hellish amount of drama, and head aches, that are truly immature.

I cring and want to cry. All of it becomes even harder, beacuse I am gay, how I wish I were not, DEAR god how I wish my life could be what I want. Dear GOD I so wish, I mean so wish I were in New Orleans. *sigh*

all I do any more in this journal is bitch.


FUCK it